My major issue with life right now is a general lack of motivation. The theory that I have developed for this lack of motivation is the absence of love from my life. Now I don't necessarily mean love in the sense of a significant other or the love received from friends and family. Love that comes from others can certainly be rewarding, and I welcome love into my life whenever it wants to enter, but I'm talking about the type of love Steve Jobs describes in the quote above. Love that comes from the actions that you make and the way you spend your time. I don't want to ever feel like I wasted my time doing something I didn't love doing. I have never been one to settle. If I don't feel that something is right, I simply don't pursue it. At this point in my life the problem is that I don't know what I want, or what I love. If I won't settle for less in other aspects of my life there's certainly no reason to settle for anything less in my professional life.
There are plenty of ways I enjoy spending my time, most of them involving small amounts of interactions with others. I love work that I can do quietly alone, although I love being able to vibe off of other people too. I also love being able to get in the zone and consume myself with projects. I can easily become obsessed with things, feeling like I must know anything and everything on the subject. Part of what has me stuck at this point in my life is my need to know every part of what lies ahead, all the possible outcomes, and for things to be absolutely perfect. If I can't see the bottom of the lake, I don't jump in. I realize how much this greatly inhibits my life and I'm working on changing my ways. I'm definitely not a Gryffindor because I'm clearly lacking in the bravery department.
To help me find a job that lets me do what I love, I thought my first step would be to identify the ways I enjoy spending my time. I find lists to be the best way of organizing my thoughts. By laying everything out in front of me, I am forced to confront all that I know to be true. If I can see what I love doing before me, then I can imagine where to go from there.
Things I Enjoy Doing
- making people feel good
- helping people work through problems
- making playlists
- taking photographs
- watching movies
Who knows if this list will even be much help in the process. I wish there was something I could do involving everything on the above list. Some sort of paying job where I could write and paint and dance and read and help others all at once. A job like that would certainly be some kind of miracle.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, love makes up everything good in life. Love is the deepest, most common motivating factor. Whatever kind of love keeps you going, acknowledge it and be grateful for that love. And if you're also having a hard time finding a job that you love, keep looking, that's certanly all I can do.
Hopefully one day I'll find what I'm looking for and I'll just know.