The Bell Jar

"I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet." - Sylvia Plath (The Bell Jar)

I tried reading Sylvia Plath's iconic novel back in high school, but gave up after fifty or sixty pages. The Bell Jar is often praised for Plath's progressive representation of feminism, and I always hoped to give the book another try. I've had this copy of The Bell Jar sitting on my shelf for a few years now, so I was excited to finally pick it up this month.

If you had asked me before why I'd given up on the novel back in high school, I would have told you the book was too sad for my taste. The truth is, the story just hit too close to home. In fact, I'm glad I waited until I was older to try again.

Now Plath's words don't trigger sadness as much as they trigger a sense of kinship, normalcy, and hope. I know it's a cliché to love Sylvia Plath, maybe that's another reason why I stopped reading her book in high school, but there's a reason so many women (and men) love her work. She spoke a language people can understand and connect to. Her writing would have seemed revolutionary when the book was first published, as it shed light on the feelings of discontent and uncertainty that often accompany the standards society sets for women.

Although women's rights have greatly increased in America over the last 60 years, we are still fighting against gender stereotypes today. Women are often held to a double standard when it comes to sex, and many women are forced to give up jobs due to lack of affordable child care and unpaid maternity leave. For these reasons, The Bell Jar is considered a modern classic and remians relevant today.

-S

Catch-22

"'You have a morbid aversion to dying. You probably resent the fact that you're at war and might get your head blown off any second.'
'I more than resent it, sir. I'm absolutely incensed.'
'You have deep-seated survival anxieties. And you don't like bigots, bullies, snobs or hypocrites. Subconsciously there are many people you hate.'
'Consciously, sir, consciously.' Yossarian corrected in an effort to help. 'I hate them consciously.' 'You're antagonistic to the idea of being robbed, exploited, degraded, humiliated or deceived. Misery depresses you. Ignorance depresses you. Persecution depresses you. Violence depresses you. Slums depresses you. Greed depresses you. Crime depresses you. Corruption depresses you. You know, it wouldn't surprise me if you're a manic-depressive!'
'Yes, sir. Perhaps I am.'
'Don't try to deny it.'
'I'm not denying it, sir,' said Yossarian, pleased with the miraculous rapport that finally existed between them. 'I agree with all you've said.'"


The above is just one example of the brilliant writing in Catch-22. I knew going into this book that Heller's writing style was a dividing factor for fans and critics of his famous first novel. Thankfully I never read this book in high school since I would have hated Heller's non-lineal narrative back then. The novel's satirical elements would have probably gone over my head when I was sixteen but it's what solidifies this book as a new favorite now. War can be a tricky subject to approach, but Heller maneuvers it with such non-glorified honesty that he makes you understand just how frustratingly powerless and horrifying it is to be caught in the middle.

-S

Currently Reading: Into The WIld

"So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun." - Chris McCandless

The above quote comes from a letter McCandless addressed to Ronald Franz, an acquaintance from his time in Salton City. The passage seems to sum up the ideology and driving force behind McCandless's great adventure. Although his words lead me to believe he saw the world in black and white, you can't help but long for that adventurous spirit and hope that one day maybe you too can see the world as he once saw it.

-S

Keep Moving

Allow yourself to keep moving. Don't put limits on your dreams. You're the only one that can hold yourself back. Wake up. Get pumped. Say yes. Don't look back.

-S

She Reads Books...

Today I was able to get out of the house and into what seems to be infinitely cold and blustery winter. For some reason I thought it'd be a great day to grab a coffee and pop into the used book store. I don't know why I thought buying books would be a good idea (especially when it's freezing out) since I already own way too many books I have yet to read, but it happened anyway.

I'm sitting here looking at just one of the stacks of books I own that I've been meaning to get to and feeling slightly guilty for buying two unnecessary books today. But are books really ever unnecessary? I mean it's not like I don't read any books, it's just that I'm a slow reader with an extremely long to-read list. A list that seems to multiply by the second. I've definitely been taking advantage of these months of unemployment by crossing off more books on my list than I probably ever have in years past. Often I worry that I measure life from one book to the next and wonder if I'm appreciating each story enough. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about my next book within the first ten pages of the one I'm reading.

I just finished two books that I borrowed from a friend (Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn and Night by Elie Wiesel) and am currently reading one of my mom's books (Merlin Trilogy by Mary Stewart). I also took the time to start Walden by Thoreau (one of my purchases today) while sitting around at the bookstore drinking coffee. The other book I bought today was Wild by Cheryl Strayed.

Part of me just wishes I could read everything all at once. I want fill myself to the brim with worlds and words and characters and all the experiences that one can have through reading. I hope there never comes a day when I get remotely close to zero books in my to-read pile, for that would be that I have stopped caring about books altogether.

-S

Until It's Done

Have Courage

We've all heard the phrase, "life is what you make of it," but I like to believe that life is what you dare to make of it. Any person can live, but not all people experience life to the same extent. The things that scare us are often the things we have the least regret doing. By living courageously, we are constantly expanding our view of the world and diminishing the fears that hold us back.

I'm not saying being courageous is easy or at all comfortable, but the outcome is usually worth it. You can't let fear hold you back. Whether you're afraid of a job, or a roller coaster, or going out with friends, or running a 5k, whatever it is, face those fears head on.

-S

Identities

Let go and embrace your identity. So much of my life has evolved around liking what others have liked or reiterating what other people have already said (hell, that's basically what I'm doing now). It's perfectly okay to enjoy the same thing as other people, but it's also important to say, "you know what, I like this instead."

I've really been thinking and struggling with this notion lately, since I've noticed how much I've let other people influence my interests in the past. As I've been questioning more and more what direction I want to take for a career, I've really struggled to strip down all the layers of influenced over my identity. My goal in this is to find where my true passions lie and what really excites me to move forward. I don't want to settle for a career or a life that is someone else's. I want to find something that I fit into and a life that I am passionate about.

If you're struggling to find your identity, don't be afraid to let go of all that has influenced you. It's never too late to be your own person. That doesn't mean you have to be different in every aspect of life, but just be aware of where your true feelings lie. Don't agree to something just because you think it will make you "cooler" in other people's eyes. Wear the clothes you like. Listen to the music you want to listen to. Have your own opinions and don't be afraid to share them. Live your life for you, as you.

-S

Words of Advice: Imagine

I have yet to read Paper Towns but I really like this John Green quote. Imagining things is what gives us hopes and dreams. It allows us to see what we could do and gives us reasons to keep moving forward. Having active imaginations is something that should not be limited to childhood. Being able to come up with a picture or scenario in our minds can help us reach goals by constantly reminding us what we're striving for or what we are capable of.

Lately I've been trying harder to use my imagination in positive rather than negative ways. In the last few years I have spent more time thinking of all the things that could go wrong in my life rather than what could go right. Those negative images not only effect my anxiety level daily, but have hindered progress in certain areas of my life. Picturing myself with an enjoyable job, a gorgeous apartment (that I decorated myself), and a husband I love, instantly makes me feel better about my future. Of course I don't know if all of that is in the cards for my future, but I figure it will make me happier in the present than worrying about the alternatives.

So imagine all the good things because nothing will happen if you don't.

-S

Good Advice

Life Is Art

I found this on Pinterest and couldn't resist sharing. Art is in everything we do. Every human is an artist.

-S

You'll Know When You Find It

My major issue with life right now is a general lack of motivation. The theory that I have developed for this lack of motivation is the absence of love from my life. Now I don't necessarily mean love in the sense of a significant other or the love received from friends and family. Love that comes from others can certainly be rewarding, and I welcome love into my life whenever it wants to enter, but I'm talking about the type of love Steve Jobs describes in the quote above. Love that comes from the actions that you make and the way you spend your time. I don't want to ever feel like I wasted my time doing something I didn't love doing. I have never been one to settle. If I don't feel that something is right, I simply don't pursue it. At this point in my life the problem is that I don't know what I want, or what I love. If I won't settle for less in other aspects of my life there's certainly no reason to settle for anything less in my professional life. 

There are plenty of ways I enjoy spending my time, most of them involving small amounts of interactions with others. I love work that I can do quietly alone, although I love being able to vibe off of other people too. I also love being able to get in the zone and consume myself with projects. I can easily become obsessed with things, feeling like I must know anything and everything on the subject. Part of what has me stuck at this point in my life is my need to know every part of what lies ahead, all the possible outcomes, and for things to be absolutely perfect. If I can't see the bottom of the lake, I don't jump in. I realize how much this greatly inhibits my life and I'm working on changing my ways. I'm definitely not a Gryffindor because I'm clearly lacking in the bravery department.

To help me find a job that lets me do what I love, I thought my first step would be to identify the ways I enjoy spending my time. I find lists to be the best way of organizing my thoughts. By laying everything out in front of me, I am forced to confront all that I know to be true. If I can see what I love doing before me, then I can imagine where to go from there.

Things I Enjoy Doing

• doodling
• painting
• writing
• dancing
• making people feel good
• workingout
• shopping
• reading
• helping people work through problems
• organizing
• making playlists
• taking photographs
• watching movies

Who knows if this list will even be much help in the process. I wish there was something I could do involving everything on the above list. Some sort of paying job where I could write and paint and dance and read and help others all at once. A job like that would certainly be some kind of miracle.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, love makes up everything good in life. Love is the deepest, most common motivating factor. Whatever kind of love keeps you going, acknowledge it and be grateful for that love. And if you're also having a hard time finding a job that you love, keep looking, that's certanly all I can do. 

Hopefully one day I'll find what I'm looking for and I'll just know.

-S

Words of Advice: Only 3 Things Matter

-S

Words of Advice: Figure it out as you go

Today's Words of Wisdom

My Top 10 Favorite Quotes from The Art Of Racing In The Rain

As a follow up to my review on The Art Of Racing In The Rain, I wanted to share a few of my favorite quotes from the book. Here they are in no particular order.

1. “To live every day as if it had been stolen from death, that is how I would like to live. To feel the joy of life, as Eve felt the joy of life. To separate oneself from the burden, the angst, the anguish that we all encounter every day. To say I am alive, I am wonderful, I am. I am. That is something to aspire to.” 
― Garth Stein

2. “People are always worried about what's happening next. They often find it difficult to stand still, to occupy the now without worrying about the future. People are generally not satisfied with what they have; they are very concerned with what they are going to have.”

― Garth Stein

3. “That which we manifest is before us; we are the creators of our own destiny. Be it through intention or ignorance, our successes and our failures have been brought on by none other than ourselves.”

― Garth Stein

4. “People and their rituals. They cling to things so hard sometimes.”

― Garth Stein

5. “Did he understand, as those interminable minutes ticked by, that being alone is not the same as being lonely? That being alone is a neutral state; it is like a blind fish at the bottom of the ocean without eyes, and therefore without judgement. Is it possible? That which is around me does not affect my mood; my mood affects that which is around me. Is it true? Could Denny have possibly appreciated the subjective nature of loneliness, which is something that exists only in the mind, not in the world, and, like a virus, is unable to survive without a willing host?”

― Garth Stein

6. "So much of language is unspoken. So much of language is compromised of looks and gestures and sounds that are not words. People are ignorant of the vast complexity of their own communication.” 

― Garth Stein

7. "Any problems that may occur have ultimately been caused by you, because you are responsible for where you are and what you are doing there.” 

― Garth Stein

8. “The human lanuage, as precise as it is with its thousands of words, can still be so wonderfully vague.” 

― Garth Stein

9. “There is no dishonor in losing the race. There is only dishonor in not racing because you are afraid to lose.” 
― Garth Stein

10. “We too, must shatter the mirrors. We must look in to ourselves and root out the distortions until that thing which we know in our hearts is perfect and true, stands before us.” 

― Garth Stein

Putting My Eyes On Tomorrow

I'm so over today. Everything about today has gone wrong, not in the worst ways but definitely in a lot of ways. It's time to take a deep breath and set my sites on tomorrow.

Now here's some advice I'm giving myself... and you if you've had a hard day.

And finally...

Pictures are all from Pinterest.

Life does go on. And tomorrow is another day. A fresh, brand new day that will be better than today.

-S