Guys it's sad how low my expectations are for myself. I mean I should not be allowed to be 24 years old. I don't know how I haven't died yet (well I do, it's because of my parents). Basically most days I feel like the farthest thing from an adult.
I started making Kraft mac and cheese tonight (yeah I'm super adult like) and realized after I began boiling the noodles that the only milk we had was expired. My immediate thoughts were: SHIT, shit shit shit... crap. The responsible adult person obviously would have checked to make sure she had everything before starting to make dinner. Instead I blamed my mistake on being distracted by a phone call from a friend. We were too busy discussing important things like Sephora employees' lack of customer service and the hot guys in my friend's crossfit class for me to notice the date on the milk carton.
In my mind getting milk seemed like SO MUCH effort. I mean there was a reason I was making food from a box in the first place (actually I think Kraft is delicious but that's beside the point). Leaving the house meant having to put on shoes and a coat and go out into the darkness. Plus my phone was barely charged and I don't trust my car. Basically I was being a baby.
Driving in the dark has always been stressful for me and I deal with that by avoiding it when at all possible. I also have a terrible sense of direction and recently got lost in my own neighborhood on my way home from work (it was raining and a road was closed).
So when I realized that my only choices were to eat noodles without the cheese sauce or go get myself some more milk, I was initially reluctant. Macaroni noodles can be good on their own, right? I'll just sprinkle some shredded cheese over it, I told myself. I'm very good at convincing myself I don't need what I need because getting what I need would take effort. As I was working this all out in my head as well as out loud to my friend, I was forced to face how pathetic I was acting. I mean it's not like I have to drive 50 miles to the store and back. Eventually we were going to need more milk. Why not get some tonight while my noodles were still salvageable?
Despite the general desire to avoid all things that will make me anxious, I managed to successful drive my car to the store (less than a mile away), pick up both the 1/2% milk as well as my almond milk, and make it back to my house without any problems. I got out of my car after the 10 minutes it took me to run my milk errand and felt a sense of pride building inside my chest. Heck yes, I successfully bought milk! How adult am I now? Hot damn I'm so good.
It really is sad what little I have to do to trick myself into thinking I am close to being a successful adult. My standards for adulthood should probably be raised a bit.
-S
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